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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26193859">Our Love Was Made For Movie Screens</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynsperfectlashes/pseuds/zaynsperfectlashes'>zaynsperfectlashes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Artist Zayn Malik, Bottom Zayn Malik, Endgame Zayn Malik/Harry Styles, Fluff and Smut, Jealous Harry, Liam is a Good Friend, M/M, Mutual Pining, Niall Horan &amp; Harry Styles Friendship, Sad with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Top Harry, Zayn Malik &amp; Liam Payne Friendship, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:28:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26193859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynsperfectlashes/pseuds/zaynsperfectlashes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wants Zayn, so bad that he's light-headed with it. He wants him so bad that it's getting increasingly difficult to wake up everyday and chant friends friends friends until he's convinced himself because that's what they are, friends. But he also forgets, at the mere sight of Zayn grinning, he forgets in a breath. Because it's easy to forget with him, because Zayn's easy to love and want.</p><p>or an AU where Harry's most probably in love with Zayn but Zayn won't even talk to him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Zayn Malik/Harry Styles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>115</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. All I Want is.,</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry hugs his coat tight, pulling at the open ends and cursing himself for leaving the apartment so abruptly because it's stupid is what it is, if not creepy, what he's doing.</p><p>There's a <em>zero</em> chance the guy would be there in the cafe today. But he also needed to try, he couldn't not when he's spent the entire night tossing and turning thinking about him. It's nothing, the guy didn't even talk to him, just smiled a really small smile when Harry apologised for bumping into him because <em>ofcourse</em> he did and now that Harry thinks of it, he feels more stupid.</p><p>He checks his phone, 6:15 pm, <em>great</em> <em>the same time</em>. He enters the small cafe, the bell jingles and the warmth practically draws him in. He looks around, eyes searching all the tables but the guy's not here, ofcourse he isn't. He searches the tables again, maybe he missed someone, but no avail, the guy's not here. Harry can't help the frown that falls on his lips, somewhere inside he did hope they'd meet again but they clearly won't and Harry needs to stop, he does.</p><p>He needs to stop chasing after people, looking around at strangers, seeking warmth in those cold lust filled eyes. He wants it so bad, the locking of eyes and for once not looking away awkwardly after a few seconds, instead finding an intense emotion that holds you in place ; makes you stop and want to figure it out ; makes you want to strip your insides bare ,the feeling of being wanted, of being held on, of being loved,<br/>
he needs to stop before he ends up hurting himself, <em>again</em>.</p><p> He turns to head back but he's reminded of the cold outside, also the coffee smells delicious, so he decides to get himself a coffee. He walks to the counter, there's a guy behind it, messing around with the coffee machine.</p><p>Harry clears his throat, "Excuse me, a coffee please, no sugar and almond milk."</p><p>The guy turns around and nods at him, quick as anything and Harry's knees give away. This is <em>him</em>, his guy. Harry wants to cry, overwhelmed with nervousness and the relief of finally seeing him again. This is him and he's here. He's beautiful, <em>unrealistically</em> beautiful. Harry's pretty sure he saw his skin glistening under the golden lights of the cafe in the two seconds the guy looked back at him.</p><p>He watches the guy work, his eyes sweeping over the guy's dark hair (he has beautiful hair)  and his mind whirling around with the things he should say and all the things he really shouldn't say while his heart thumps pathetically in its cavity. It's not until his gaze lands on the guy's neck that his thoughts come to a halt. He has a tattoo at the base of his neck, Harry notices, where his hair curls beautifully. Harry's hit with how badly he wants to lick at the patch of skin, his hands almost sweating at the thought.</p><p>The guy turns around and brings his order to the counter, staring at him. Harry's mouth goes dry under his stare so he lets his eyes roam over the guy's body. He's wearing a white t-shirt hanging low on the neck and <em>holy</em><em> shit</em> he has tattoos on his collarbone, something like a pair of wings. He's wearing a simple blue apron over it and has a collection of tattoos on both his arms, <em>fuck</em>. Harry needs to concentrate, he needs to say something before the guy takes him for a creep and thankfully there's a badge, 'Zayn' it says.</p><p>"Hey, Zayn." Harry smiles finally, eyes travelling up his neck to meet the guy's. This is Harry's best smile, he's practised it in front of a mirror a million times now, the one that gets the grumbling people on the street smile too but Zayn doesn't smile back, just stares at him and nods. It's not scary, the look on Zayn's face, but it isn't very friendly either.</p><p>"Um, okay," Harry panics, taken aback, "how much do I owe you?"</p><p>Zayn slides the menu with the price list and points to his order. Harry nods, feeling a little lost and gets his wallet out, handing Zayn the money. Zayn messes with the drawer, arranging the notes in his hand and collecting the change he owes Harry and while he's at it, a strand of his hair falls forward on his forehead, Harry practically lets out a breath at that. It's like the universe agrees with him, Zayn was <em>too</em> beautiful in the moment, too beautiful to take in and Harry needed a reminder that Zayn was afterall a human, that he had a few flaws too.</p><p>But then the next moment Zayn's giving him the change and looking right at him and he probably caught Harry staring and Harry panics causing the change to clatter on the counter. He leans forward to collect it clumsily, shoving the coins into his pocket and cursing himself for being such a klutz, absolutely trying to not look at Zayn but he fails to hold himself back. He risks a look and shoots Zayn another smile, a more embarassing one this time.</p><p>Zayn's face stays as stoic as always but his eyes gleam, with something that's not cold, something mischievous but he still hasn't smiled back.</p><p> Harry convinces himself that he's not going to get anything, but then, as easy as anything Zayn smiles back, well it's not a huge smile rather a small one, but it <em>is</em> one, nonetheless. It makes his eyes shine, the cafe lights reflecting in them. He looks soft under the glow of the cafe lights, almost reachable, not stoic or cold, just warm and soft and Harry suddenly has the urge to cry again and he realises he's staring again and Zayn's smile is gone.<br/>
 <br/>
So Harry nods at him before abruptly leaving.</p><p>It's not until Harry's had his coffee and his heart has calmed down, that he realises Zayn might not like him at all, with the way things went.</p><p>∆∆∆</p><p>Niall flicks a finger at his hair and Harry groans, stopping to fix him with a glare that has Niall laughing.</p><p>"God, Haz. You're <em>so</em> nervous."</p><p>Harry turns and pokes his tongue at him,<br/>
"I'm not."</p><p>Niall pops another haribo in his mouth, " Your jeans are too skinny."</p><p>"<em>What</em>! They are? Like in a good way or like-"</p><p>And Niall's laughing again, " Told ya."</p><p>Harry punches his arm, " You're mean." And strides past him to the kitchen, getting himself a glass of water while Niall fixes him with a smug look.</p><p>"Why don't you just tell him?" He lands on the couch in the living room, his eyes following Harry to the kitchen. </p><p>" Yeah? Tell him what? That I haven't even talked to him once, well technically I have, he hasn't but yeah and I am practically in love with how his hair falls over his forehead when he looks down while he probably hasn't even properly looked at me? Not your best idea Nialler."</p><p>Niall snorts in response ," I'm just saying, instead of sulking around and making assumptions, why don't you go talk to him again maybe? Maybe he was having a bad day? You don't have to be so hard on yourself buddy!"</p><p>Harry leans forward on the kitchen counter, folding his elbows on the counter and tucks his face into his hand, " Hmm."</p><p>He stares at the marble on the counter, tracing the design with his other hand, "I don't know if I can face him really. I embarassed myself yesterday. I don't think he likes me."</p><p>"Bullshit, you're <em>Harry Styles</em>, everyone likes you. Even Roslyn down the street who grumbles at cats and dogs likes you." Niall huffs and it makes Harry smile.</p><p>"Plus I can come with ya."</p><p>"You will?!"</p><p>Niall shrugs. Harry runs to the couch and jumps on top of him, engulfing him in a rather painful hug, bumping his forehead straight into Niall's chin, eliciting a painful groan out of him and earning himself a punch to the arm later, but it's worth it because Niall's the bestest best friend ever.</p><p>∆∆∆</p><p>" <em>Haz</em>." Niall sighs, reaching across the table to pull at Harry's hand.</p><p>Harry looks at him, the frown on his face deepening.</p><p>"Haz, I <em>still</em> think you should talk to him once."</p><p>Harry shakes his head, eyes drifting back to the counter where Zayn's laughing, Harry guesses, along with this other guy, who has his arm around Zayn's waist like he <em>knows</em> Zayn's going to lose balance and Zayn <em>does</em> bend back and the guy's arm <em>does</em> save Zayn and Harry hates this. Harry can't really see Zayn's face but he can clearly see the other guy, smiling wide, like he loves that Zayn's happy because of him. Harry doesn't blame the guy for it, he would love to make Zayn smile too.</p><p>Zayn's hands flail wildly in the air and this guy, Zayn's guy, laughs and bends down to kiss his cheek. The world suddenly seems so unfair.</p><p>The weight of loneliness creeps up on Harry and falls right onto his heart, so heavy that he has to take a deep breath, he has to remember to breathe because his body doesn't remember how to.</p><p>He's suddenly very aware of all the places he went searching for love, for that first special kiss, for that gentle touch, the looking into each other's eyes and seeing more than just lust, the comfort of a constant warm breath on your skin on a cold morning, the tangled fingers while walking on the road, the whisper of a few sweet words, so intimate and pure that you could cry. Harry <em>wants</em> it.</p><p>"Haz, God let's get out of here."</p><p>Niall's hand pulls at his wrist and he lets him. With a suffered sigh, he gets up and walks towards the door but not before risking a glance at Zayn again, because Harry loves to hurt himself. He's met with Zayn's eyes staring back at him, which makes him stumble because he didn't expect that. Niall catches him but Harry's eyes don't leave Zayn's.</p><p>Zayn looks at Niall for a second or two before looking back at Harry, eyes still shining. Harry wants to melt under his gaze and tell him everything, he's tired of keeping it locked in, tired of saving his heart in fear of getting hurt. With Zayn, he wants to unravel himself right here and tell him that he's never wanted someone so much, never felt <em>so</em> vulnerable with just someone's eyes on him, not even with those one night stands, the strangers with their hands on him, whispering into his ears, asking him to let go, to surrender but Harry never did.</p><p>They knew the birthmark he has on his lower abdomen but they didn't know what colour his eyes were, they couldn't tell, Harry's tried asking them, on nights when he was too lonely, when his heart beat went dull, so dull he had to place a hand on his chest to feel it, when his blood wouldn't rush to his ears even with a stranger's mouth on his, when his mouth would be sore from being gagged but his eyes still stayed wide open, tired and lifeless. So no one's really made him feel like this, like they know Harry, not even <em>Brian</em> <em>William</em>.</p><p>But then the guy behind Zayn, <em>his</em> guy, comes forward and looks at them too and Harry has to stride out because he can't breathe again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. And All I Need is.,</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And then, in a blink, Zayn smiles, at him. It's probably the alcohol, Harry guesses because Zayn's eyes are rimmed red, his smile is loose, it's almost a grin, like he's happy to see Harry, like he's not creeped out by him and just like that Harry forgets, he forgets that he was supposed to forget Zayn, he forgets because it's easy to forget with Zayn.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's <em>okay</em>. It's not bad really. Harry's had crushes, he knows how this works. A few days of crying, listening to his playlist, locking himself up in his room and then getting drunk with Niall and then a few more gloomy days before he catches someone else's eyes and goes searching for love in them.</p><p>He'll also just stop going to the cafe, that's it. So Harry does know how he's going to get over Zayn but Niall Horan won't let him and Harry regrets giving him a pair of his keys.</p><p>"Haz, come on. Come out. You're not in high school anymore."</p><p>Harry tucks his face further into the pillow, texting Niall to <em>let him be</em> obviously didn't work but no matter how petty he's being right now, he needs it.</p><p>"Haz!"</p><p>Niall gives up after a few minutes, he knows it's serious, that Harry isn't drunk crying over a random guy in a bar.</p><p>"Haz, I will be at my apartment okay? If you want to get out, text me okay? <em>Haz</em>?" He hears a tremble in Niall's voice, Niall can sense it too, Harry's too close to spiraling.</p><p>"Okay Ni." He mumbles against his pillow.</p><p>"Harry? It's okay. It's okay to feel what you're feeling. Just know I'm here."</p><p>With that Harry hears his apartment door being shut and locked and he immediately feels bad for his best friend but there's this hollow feeling gnawing at his chest, he feels it all coming back in bits and pieces and Harry really doesn't want to go back to being Harry <em>shit faced</em> Styles. He wants to deal with this maturely, not the way he did three years ago.</p><p>This isn't Brian William, there can't be another Brian William.</p><p>This is just a crush. Zayn will just be a face in a crowd of people in a few days, someone Harry will embarrassingly smile and talk about with Niall and not feel the heavy weight on his chest.</p><p>∆∆∆</p><p>The club lights blink in blues and greens, the music blares right into his ears and Harry feels the base vibrating through his body, in his chest. He laughs and falls back onto Niall's shoulder. This is nice. This is <em>very</em> nice.</p><p>"Dave's been giving you the eyes all night."</p><p>Harry cracks his eyes open, body still leaning into Niall, he finds Dave behind the bar, looking at him, not his body, not his hips, but right into his eyes. Harry's wanted this, all this time, this is what he's wanted but he surprises himself by closing his eyes again, turning away from a pair of eyes that probably didn't <em>just</em> want his body.</p><p>"Yeah, slipped me a free drink earlier." Harry shouts back into Niall's ear.</p><p>Niall bumps his shoulder, "Go talk to him then. He's a real nice guy. Loves his family. He's polite and smart."</p><p>Harry hums back, eyes still closed, moving slowly with the beat.</p><p>Niall turns him over and Harry's faced with pinches eyebrows, "Haz are you okay?"</p><p>He smiles back, "Yes Ni, I promise I'm okay."</p><p>"If you lie to me-"</p><p>"I won't." He grins, "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to use the washroom <em>please</em>."</p><p>"<em>Always so polite</em>." Niall teases him.</p><p>Harry chokes on  a laugh when he realises Niall just quoted <em>Greg</em>.</p><p>Greg Robinson met Harry at the fresher's party at college. Harry'd heard alot about him, mainly from Niall.</p><p>It was at the party when Greg found Niall and Harry dancing in a corner and brought them both drinks. Harry had thanked him in return and Greg had let out a whistle and murmured, '<em>so polite</em>' with a dangerous smirk on his lips. Honestly, Harry had been taken aback and Niall had to distract Greg with a conversation about the nachos being too soggy.</p><p>Greg had found his number somehow and started texting him. He'd meet Harry in the hallways, outside classes, he was everywhere. After being practically dragged to a date with him, Harry realised Greg just wanted to be a sugar daddy to him, after he'd subtly coughed at the suggestive glances Greg sent his way throughout the painful night. By the time the date ended, he handed Harry a napkin, Harry thanked him for it and Greg teased him again, ' <em>Always so polite</em>' but this time his breath lingered near Harry's ear and Harry didn't like it.</p><p>Harry had abruptly left and it wasn't until he was back home that he realised, there was a room number scribbled on the napkin paper with a messy wink.</p><p>He groans as he remembers Greg Robinson while Niall smirks and smacks his arse on his way to the bar. He huffs in response and makes his way to the bathroom.</p><p>The bathroom's <em>too</em> bright, the lights too harsh on him. Harry walks straight to the sink and splashes water on his face. The cool water sobers him up a little and he looks at himself in the mirror, when a stall door unlocks and someone steps out, a guy, that guy, <em>Zayn's guy.</em></p><p>"Um, hey mate." The guy smiles when he sees Harry staring and  elegantly walks to the other sink. It's a nice smile.</p><p>"Hey." And because Harry has no control, " I know you."</p><p>The guy turns towards him and frowns.</p><p>Harry rushes, "I mean I've- I've seen you working at the cafe. I visit sometimes."</p><p>"Oh. That's sick." The guy smiles again. <br/>"I'm Liam."</p><p>Harry nods, " Hi, I'm Harry."</p><p>Harry feels really awkward, under Liam's curious gaze, he's not intimidating, he's rather warm with a smile on his face but Harry's seen him with-</p><p>"Zayn."</p><p>Harry turns around and he's here. Ofcourse he is.</p><p>
  <em>Zayn Zayn Zayn</em>
</p><p>Liam strides past him to stand next to Zayn.</p><p>"Zayn, this is Harry." Zayn stares back at him, he isn't as stoic today, Harry immediately notices, his posture isn't <em>tight</em>.</p><p>"Harry, you must have seen him around too, this is Zayn."</p><p>Harry manages to nod. "Um, yeah I have. Hey Zayn."</p><p>And then, in a blink, Zayn smiles, at <em>him</em>. It's probably the alcohol, Harry guesses because Zayn's eyes are rimmed red, his smile is loose, it's almost a grin, like he's happy to see Harry, like he's not creeped out by him and just like that Harry forgets, he forgets that he was supposed to forget Zayn, he forgets because it's easy to forget <em>with</em> Zayn.</p><p>He's also harshly reminded of it <em>again</em>, how even under the harsh lights of the bathroom, Zayn still looks warm and reachable, his eyes too wide and beautiful. Zayn waves at him and Harry smiles back, a genuine smile because Harry's happy. <em>Zayn</em> makes him happy.</p><p>"Okay Harry, we've got to go. It was nice seeing you. You should visit sometime." Liam's voice makes him looks away and concentrate on the conversation at hand and he meekly manages a nod at Liam.</p><p>With that, they're out of the door and Harry stands there for a long time still thinking about Zayn's wide eyes and his loose smile.</p><p>∆∆∆</p><p><em>Harry's an idiot</em>, that's what Niall replied with anyways when he texted him that he's going to the cafe. Maybe he is an idiot afterall but he's made a decision, he can atleast be friends with Zayn and Liam looked like a nice guy too.</p><p>Harry's welcomed by Liam behind the counter. "Hey Harry right?"</p><p>"Yeah. Hi Liam." He smiles.</p><p>"So what would you like to have?"</p><p>"A coffee please, no sugar, almond milk."</p><p>"Right away." Liam salutes him.</p><p>Harry grins back. He sighs heavily as he looks around to see if Zayn's here, he isn't.</p><p>"So Harry, what do you do? If you don't mind me asking."  Liam fiddles with the machine.</p><p>"No it's okay, I don't have a proper job yet, I'm studying literature but well it's mid semester break, so I write blogs for a website for a few bucks."</p><p>Liam turns back to smile at him, "That's great. What do you write about?"</p><p>"It's mostly just the emotional stuff. I find it easy to write about and Niall suggested why not earn something out of it and turns out people like it. Niall's my best friend by the way."</p><p>"Wow."</p><p>"Yeah, so do you work here part time?"</p><p>Liam laughs a little, "No, we own it. Actually my <em>mom</em> owns this place. I just couldn't figure out what I wanted to do after school. I ended up helping her out here and I realised that I like working here alot, so I'm doing that for now. Maybe in the future I'll go after a degree."</p><p>"Yeah I mean as long as you're happy right?"</p><p>"Yeah. You get it." Liam smiles.</p><p>
  <em>Zayn Zayn Zayn</em>
</p><p>"Oh, and um Zayn..he works here too right?"</p><p>"Yeah." Liam nods, while bending down to retrieve a cup, "He likes to help me around here. And it gives him something to do while he's uninspired."</p><p>"<em>Uninspired</em>?"</p><p>Liam turns back to look at him, "Well he's taken arts major at the uni. So that keeps him busy most of the time. But sometimes he needs a little inspiration, that's where I come in."</p><p><em>Oh</em>.</p><p>"That's..nice."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>Liam brings his cup to the counter, "Here's your coffee."</p><p>"Thankyou- what's that?" Harry tilts his head at Liam gently pushing a pastry forward.</p><p>"Our specialty. You're a friend, so it's on me."</p><p>Harry grins, "Thankyou Liam. That's really sweet."</p><p>"The pastry? It is, yes."</p><p>Harry laughs and heads towards a table in the corner. He really sees why Zayn would choose Liam, Liam is kind and Zayn deserves that. Maybe this won't be as hard. Maybe he can just be friends with them. Just maybe, <em>maybe</em> it won't hurt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. To Find Somebody..</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Liam mentions that it's tough for Zayn, with what he has to go through and Harry wanted to ask about it but Liam looked at him as if it should be obvious but the thing is, it wasn't obvious to Harry, it still isn't, so he just nods in return, feeling immensely stupid.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It has become a daily affair now, as much as Niall protests, Harry visits the cafe and orders a coffee and a pastry, because it was delicious. He's mostly greeted by Liam who tells him Zayn's busy with an art piece but somedays, <em>somedays</em> Harry stumbles in and finds Zayn behind the counter.</p><p>They still haven't talked, but Zayn smiles at him now, almost a grin everyday and Harry really can't complain, especially when Liam's whispering something into Zayn's ears, behind the counter and Zayn stares at <em>him</em> instead with his piercing eyes, <em>not</em> at Liam, but him, like he's figuring him out, almost like he <em>knows</em> what Harry wants- <em>him</em>.</p><p>Although Zayn does end up grinning when Harry makes a weird face back at him, out of nervousness of being subjected to Zayn's undivided attention like <em>that</em>. </p><p>Liam often tells him, that it takes time with Zayn, that Zayn doesn't open up easily, probably because he sees Harry making efforts.</p><p>Liam mentions that it's tough for Zayn, with what he has to go through and Harry wanted to ask about it but Liam looked at him as if it should be obvious but the thing is, it wasn't <em>obvious</em> to Harry<em>, it still isn't</em>, so he just nods in return, feeling immensely stupid.</p><p>But, the thing about Harry is, he can be patient. There are days when he steps into the cafe and finds Zayn and Liam behind the counter, smiling and laughing, he finds them waving their hands in the air sometimes, when the line before the counter is too packed up and they can't stand too close to talk like they always do, like a secret between them, a secret that stabs at his insides but Harry wills the tightness in his chest to relax, because <em>he</em> made this choice.</p><p>His patience pays off though, Zayn grins at him while he prepares his order. He sends sneaky winks at him somedays and most of all, he <em>cares</em>.</p><p>Harry knows this because he still remembers that day, clearly.</p><p>He had been feeling low since he woke up, the empty feeling in his chest crashing  against his rib, like a wave, clawing at him and weighing him down. He couldn't write, so he did what he could think of, he walked into the cafe towards the counter and it was Zayn behind the counter.  He attempted a smile at Zayn, because he couldn't <em>not</em> smile at him but the way Zayn's eyebrows pinched together, his smile probably looked more like a frown. So Harry sighed and ordered a coffee and went to his table, near the window.</p><p>He was staring at the busy street outside when he heard the clatter near him. Zayn had brought him his coffee <em>and</em> a pastry and was already walking back to the counter, to deal with the accumulating queue of people.</p><p>Harry found a little neon paper stuck to the mug. He'd curiously turned the mug to get a better look at the paper and saw a doodle of a round face with curly hair and huge curved lines on his cheeks, which were probably dimples and a scribbled '<em>hi curly'</em> in the corner. His eyes immediately welled up with emotion, the mere thought that Zayn wanted to make him feel better had his heart rattling in his chest. He craned his neck to look back at Zayn and cracked a smile when he found Zayn grinning at him already, his tongue behind his teeth, paying no attention to the line infront of him.</p><p>Harry felt his heart almost jump in his chest, like it wanted to breakthrough the boundaries of his muscles and veins and <em>touch</em> Zayn. </p><p>He also ended up crying in front of Niall that day. It had been too long since someone cared, apart from Niall.</p><p>Niall ran his hand down the expanse of his back, soothing him, all the while not <em>once</em> saying it out loud, reminding him that it was a bad idea, that he was falling into a trap, that he'd get his heart broken.</p><p>But Niall did, through his trembling hands, he told Harry how scared he was for him and Harry heard him, but he didn't <em>listen</em>.</p><p>∆∆∆</p><p>Harry wants Zayn, <em>so bad</em> that he's light-headed with it. He wants him so bad that it's getting increasingly difficult to wake up everyday and chant <em>friends friends friends</em> until he's convinced himself because that's what they are, friends. But he also forgets, at the mere sight of Zayn grinning, he forgets in a breath. Because it's easy to forget with him, because Zayn's easy to love and want.</p><p><em>Love</em>.</p><p>But then Liam steps in and Zayn brightens up and Harry's reminded again, <em>friends friends friends</em>.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I'll Find Somebody.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Maybe this is how their story ends, maybe this is all he'll ever have, because this is all he's willing to bet.</p>
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    <p>Liam invites him to his house for a game night, <em>football night</em> he said and Harry drags Niall along because Niall loves football and because he doesn't.</p><p>It's thundering by the time they drive to the given address and are welcomed by Liam, with a bright smile. He ushers them into the living room, heading straight to the kitchen himself. They settle themselves on the couch opposite the huge TV while Liam informs them that he's heating the pizza and getting a couple beers for them. Niall cheers loudly at that.</p><p>Harry on the other hand, tries not to fidget too much but then ends up asking anyways because when it comes to Zayn, he's discovered, he loses all sense of control,<br/>"Where's Zayn?"</p><p>Liam comes into the living room, rolling his eyes, telling them that he'll be late, how he's<br/>pretty much <em>always</em> late and it's just how Zayn is because he sleeps too much. Harry finds that endearing, to be honest.</p><p>Zayn arrives fifteen minutes later, his hands occupied with his dripping boots and jacket, drenched in the rain and his hair sticking to his forehead and the thick curled ends of his hair getting into his eyes.</p><p>He tries to blink them away, but they end up falling over his eyes again.<br/>He shakes his head, trying to get rid of them, but fails again and gives up sheepishly, scrunching his nose in defeat. Harry wants to rush towards him and do that for him, fix his hair, get him comfortable and tuck him close so that he's warm.</p><p>But obviously Liam does all that while Harry awkwardly waves at him from the couch.</p><p>Zayn and Liam bring the pizza and bottles of beer to the living room. Niall immediately jumps at the sight of the pizza, gobbling up a huge bite and moaning at the taste loudly which earns him an amused look from both Liam and Zayn but they end up smiling fondly at the end anyways, Niall's adorable that way.</p><p>Zayn hands Harry a bottle,( which Harry thanks him for) brings one for himself and fits on the couch, right next to Harry, easily.</p><p>And just like <em>that</em>, they're touching, everywhere. Harry lands himself into a violent coughing fit until he gets breathless with it while Zayn rubs his back with a worried frown on his face, which makes it worse because Zayn's too close to him.</p><p>Niall just laughs at him when he recovers and Liam shakes his head before zoning back into the game while Harry ducks his head, silently tracing the label of the cold bottle, struggling hard not to blurt something ridiculous out and embarrass himself anymore.</p><p>He's <em>too</em> busy trying to mind himself that he nearly misses the fact that Zayn's looking at him, <em>nearly</em> being the key word. He cranes his neck to properly look back at Zayn and Zayn still doesn't look away, he stares.</p><p>Harry raises his eyebrows in question, shy under his intense stare. Zayn slowly smiles, this timid, secretive smile before waving his hands in a measured motion before him. Harry stares back at him, lost, not blinking.</p><p>"He's asking if you like football." Liam prompts gently and it hits him, hard. Harry's a fool. Zayn didn't talk to him, all this time because Zayn <em>can't</em>. <br/>He didn't talk to him because he said it all, through the grins, through the doodles, through the stares but Harry didn't listen. Harry's a <em>fucking</em> fool.</p><p>He shifts his gaze back on Zayn, bewildered and Zayn's too close to him, his hair still a little wet, his golden eyes almost pleading, like he expects Harry to laugh at his face or <em>worse</em> get mad. Harry wouldn't, he would never and he <em>really</em> needs Zayn to know that.</p><p>So he shakes his head, quickly adding a cheeky smile at the end, to assure Zayn, to tell him that it's more than okay, to tell him that he's still the most beautiful person Harry's ever seen. Zayn smiles too and waves his hand again but Harry gets it this time, '<em>Me neither'</em> and shifts to bump his shoulder gently with Zayn's.</p><p>Zayn grins and happily lunges to grab a slice of the pizza and wave at Liam while Harry catches Niall blankly staring at him.</p><p>-</p><p>Zayn remains fixed to his side the entire evening. He chooses to stick with Harry and it makes Harry's heart dangerously flare in his chest, it makes him happy, so much that the thumping in his chest doesn't settle the entire time. He doesn't care about all the things wrong with it, trying to hungrily get a piece of Zayn, he doesn't care because he forgets, because Zayn makes it easy, to forget.</p><p>Zayn tells him that he has three sisters and his parents back home. He tells him that he's an artist, he talks about his art, talks about his uni, about how he's working on a piece right now and he tells Harry about his favourite place - the space.</p><p>Harry has to look at Liam after every sequence of his hand movements, to understand what they mean. Liam stays gentle with him and translates Zayn's excited actions with a warm smile. Harry thanks Liam for it and he blushes in return.</p><p>It bugs him though, that he has to ask Liam to translate Zayn's thoughts for him, that he has to look away from Zayn after every few seconds, it doesn't sit well with him. So when he's done cracking a Knock knock joke and finds Zayn staring at him with a grin, he pulls at his ears and murmurs a soft '<em>sorry</em>'. Zayn probably understands because he shakes his head gently and smiles, eyes shining,   '<em>it's okay</em>'</p><p>Niall and Liam sulk at the end of the game because their team loses. Zayn and Harry laugh at them, it's a funny sight.</p><p>Niall pouts and reaches over Zayn to pinch Harry but Harry quickly leans back, poking his tongue at him, while Zayn throws his head back and grins at the exchange, his mouth curved beautifully.</p><p>"I don't like you anymore Haz." Niall grumbles.</p><p>"Yeah I don't like <em>you</em> either Zayn." Liam pipes in too.</p><p>Zayn and Harry just smirk wider, "Fine, be best friends with Liam then." Harry suggests.</p><p>Liam immediately wraps his arm around Niall, "We will. We'll be the <em>best</em> best friends." Niall nods in return.<br/>"Zayn, you can be best friends with Harry instead too."</p><p>Zayn sits up straight, his face crooked in amusement, eyes wide and lips curved mischievously, he waves his hands at Liam.</p><p>Liam gasps in return, "What did you do!? You're sitting there laughing with Harry, making fun of me! I don't think I want to be your best friend anymore."</p><p>Wait, his <em>what</em>?</p><p>Niall slowly cranes his neck to look at Harry with raised eyebrows. Harry looks back at him with a dry mouth, dumbfounded.</p><p>Harry owes Niall a huge thankyou because he pouts and whines, claiming that he needs to go home and cry about the game so that they can get out of the apartment without causing a scene.</p><p>-</p><p>Harry has a huge meltdown in the car, on the way back home.</p><p>"What the fuck Haz?! I told you to go ask him <em>once</em>!"</p><p>"I know," He cries out, "But they looked so much like a couple. I always thought-the way Liam would talk about Zayn- I never and Zayn always smiled at him and it was always so intimate and also Zayn makes him blush-"</p><p>"Haz, Zayn could make me blush with how attractive he is.", Niall counters.</p><p>"And Zayn wouldn't talk to me, I thought he didn't like me- I thought I was trying too hard."</p><p>"You know why he didn't talk to you now, don't you?"</p><p>"I know." He sighs and looks out of the window, "I don't believe this. I don't believe this. You were right, I'm an idiot. I always just assume things."</p><p>Niall slings his free arm around Harry's shoulder and shakes him, eyes flitting between the road and him, <br/>" Hey, listen to me."</p><p>Harry does. "They're best friends Haz! You've got your chance with Zayn." Harry nods, breathing heavily.</p><p>"And you are an idiot, but you're <em>my</em> idiot." Niall adds with a smirk.</p><p>Harry wipes at his eyes and lets out a snort, shaking his head, "I don't believe this."</p><p>"Hey, what's wrong?"</p><p>Harry closes his eyes and lets his head rest against the seat as Niall pulls up outside his apartment, "It's nothing. I should go home."</p><p>Niall locks the doors immediately as he tries to get out of the car, "No. Not until you tell me. H what's wrong? Why aren't you happy?"</p><p>"I just- it's happening too fast." He pulls at his hair.</p><p>"I- this whole time I thought the only thing standing between him and me was him having a boyfriend. It was easy, to pretend that it was the only problem, it was easy to pretend that I could have it all to myself. But now when there's no one, when I know it's not wrong anymore, I'm just scared."</p><p>Niall runs his fingers through his curls, soothing him, <br/>"Scared of what Haz?"</p><p>"Scared that it won't be what I want it to be. What if he doesn't love me Niall?"</p><p>"Harry, he likes you-"</p><p>"No but what if he doesn't <em>love</em> me? What if it doesn't work. What if this is the same as-"</p><p>"<em>Brian William</em>?"</p><p>Harry shudders.</p><p>Brian William, was Harry's first love. <em>Harry wasn't his</em>. Brian was a sweet drug, Harry wanted him more each day, until he was deep under his skin, embedded into his heart, running inside his veins, and Brian knew that, his smirk said it.</p><p>He knew Harry was gone for him, he could see Harry searching his eyes for more , he knew what Harry wanted and he knew he had nothing to offer, but he still let Harry believe that he would give back, <em>one day one day one day.</em></p><p>He let Harry spend sleepless nights in his bed waiting for Brian to trace those three words onto his skin. He let Harry chase him. He let it all happen until Harry lost himself.</p><p>Harry went too far, behind him, chasing him, chasing his touches that meant nothing but Harry had hopes they would, someday Brian would touch him and his heart would swell under his chest but Brian didn't.</p><p>Brian William took away pieces of Harry's heart with each punishing touch, and Harry let him until he had a hollow cavity in his chest, a numb organ thumping inside his chest.</p><p>"I just want to run away from him. He scares me <em>so</em> much, because I'd do anything to make him smile, because I'd go too far for him. He scares me Ni, but it's so difficult to run away from him, to not look at him because Zayn's..just <em>Zayn</em>. Because this whole time I tried to get him to talk and he was, Ni, he was already talking to me."</p><p>"H..", Niall whispers carefully, " I can't make the decision for you here. This is yours to make. But all I know is, you don't have to rush anything you know? Take your time. Be kind to yourself H."</p><p>Harry wipes at his eyes miserably, "I don't know if I deserve him."</p><p>Niall ruffles his hair with a sad smile, "You deserve love Haz. You do."</p><p>But Harry knows himself, he knows that he'll run away the first chance he gets because he's too scared, because he can't afford to chase behind Zayn all the time, trying to get a piece of him, he can't, especially when he knows how far gone he is for him.</p><p>So he cries, lets the tears fall because maybe this is how their story ends, maybe this is all he'll ever have, because this is all he's willing to bet.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Cause You Brought Out The Best Of Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry stiffens, he sweeps his eyes over Brian's face, the tight jaw, the sharp blue eyes and slick red lips and then his eyes again.</p><p>His eyes don't shine, they don't brighten up when Harry looks into them, they don't widen, they're not soft at the edges, his lashes don't cast a shadow on his cheek when he blinks and he feels it, rising inside him, a quick click somewhere deep, a piece fitting into its place.</p>
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    <p>Harry avoids going to the cafe for the next few days, takes his time, time away from Zayn and his bright eyes.</p><p>The question of whether he wants to do it, <em>if</em> he wants to get vulnerable again, hangs heavily over his head while the thought of Zayn not being <em>his</em> sends him into an anxious frenzy, also the realisation that he's most probably in love with Zayn doesn't help either.</p><p>He writes alot these days, writes about love and wanting again because he knows what it is, Zayn reminded him.</p><p>It's a loop he's stuck in, a loop of waking up with a heaviness in his chess, wandering around the house, trying to write it out of his system, binge watching a tv series and eating all the unhealthy food he can.</p><p>The nights are the worst, stiff with loneliness and the pity he feels for himself as he holds onto the pillow as tight as he can.</p><p>Harry finds himself blinking rapidly at the ceiling yet again tonight, laying in his bed, because he read an article that claimed blinking helps in falling asleep faster. He can't sleep.</p><p>He huffs and tosses around on the bed, clenching his eyes shut when the sound of the doorbell rings through the entire apartment. He groans in response, it's probably Niall and if Harry doesn't open the door quick enough, <em>Niall will</em>, with his set of keys and lecture him on how shitty he's been acting. Harry really can't blame him if he does that.</p><p>He groggily walks to the door and opens it, prepared to be yelled at, but it never comes. Instead he hears a soft ' <em>hey</em>' , it's not Niall.</p><p>It's Brian William.</p><p>Harry stands there, with his heart pounding in his chest and his ears vibrating with it. Not moving, not blinking.</p><p>Brian ducks his head down, almost shyly, Harry remembers that smile, <em>he</em> <em>shouldn't</em>, he really shouldn't but he does. He remembers that Brian smiles like that when he's embarrassed.</p><p>Brian looks up at him again and clears his throat, "I'm just.." he struggles for a few seconds, fidgeting with his fingers, "I just wanted to apologize. I know I treated you poorly Haz, I realise it.  And I'm not here to ask for anything, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry."</p><p>Harry stares back at him, his thoughts a mess because he has Brian <em>fucking</em> William at his door step, apologising for being an asshole to him.</p><p>Because Brian William is not supposed to be standing outside his apartment, he's <em>not</em>. He's supposed to be a world away from Harry, he's supposed to be hidden in the deepest, darkest corners of Harry's heart but he's here and while he's trying to process it, he sees <em>it</em>, Brian's eyes shine, Harry swears he sees it.</p><p>There's something about the way his eyes shine that stirs something in the deepest folds of Harry's heart, poking at the memories Harry's kept folded in a corner, an uncomfortable ache spreads it's pointed wings inside his chest, puncturing his lungs because he can't breathe properly.</p><p>"Haz," he steps forward, Harry doesn't move, doesn't take a step back, forgets to blink even, "I'm sorry, you did not deserve the shit i put you through. I'm sorry. I'm just here-"</p><p>He stops talking, stares at Harry and Harry scared, he's so scared because he knows what's about to happen.</p><p>  In the next moment, Brian's mouth is on his and he gasps, let's out the shock of the moment into his warm mouth.</p><p>Brian lets himself into the apartment, holding onto Harry's waist, wrapping his long fingers around the nape of Harry's neck, <em>harsh and tight</em> and kisses him, with a vigour Harry finds hard coping with.</p><p>He stands still, <em>too</em> still for a few seconds, body pushed up right against Brian, before he starts crying, tears welling up in his eyes and sobs right into Brian's mouth but Brian's intent on kissing him, he doesn't stop.</p><p>Harry does something then, he kisses him back. He holds onto Brian's face and kisses him back with all the strength he can muster, anything to get the ache in his chest to stop and moves them towards his bedroom.</p><p>Brian latches his mouth at his neck sending a tingle down Harry's spine, a cold tingle that makes him shiver while Harry navigates him towards the bed. Brian bites at his neck and soothes the skin with his hot, warm tongue, his hands cupping Harry's arse and pulling him in, towards his straining erection in his jeans, creating a friction.</p><p>Harry pushes him back and he lands on the bed with a '<em>ooof</em>', knees folded, feet touching the floor. He pulls at Harry's arm, tugging him and Harry goes easily, plants his legs on both sides of his hips and his hands on Brian's chest.</p><p>He bends down to kiss Brian again but then Brian looks at him, from under his lashes and everything comes to a halt, <em>this is the thing</em>, his eyes, they're not shining anymore.</p><p>Harry stiffens, he sweeps his eyes over Brian's face, the tight jaw, the sharp blue eyes and slick red lips and then his eyes again.</p><p>His eyes don't shine, they don't brighten up when Harry looks into them, they don't widen, they're not soft at the edges, his lashes don't cast a shadow on his cheek when he blinks and he feels it, rising inside him, a quick <em>click</em> somewhere deep, a piece fitting into its place.</p><p>And then out of nowhere, he's thinking of the first time he met Zayn, of Zayn's smile and his bright eyes that go soft at the edges, of the thrill and happiness of seeing Zayn, of how much he misses Zayn, while Brian stares at him, slightly panting from all the kissing.</p><p>Harry gets off of him and stands abruptly making Brian sit up too. Brian reaches for his hand, "Haz, what-"</p><p>"I think you should leave."</p><p>Brian opens his mouth to protest but Harry cuts him, "Brian, <em>leave</em>."</p><p>He stands up, steps closer to Harry, so close that his breath lingers on Harry's lips, "Haz," he cups his face, "I said I'm sorry. I need you back Haz. I really need you. I'll give you everything, I promise."</p><p>"But I can't." Harry whispers, eyes teary, "I can't because I have <em>nothing</em> to give to you anymore. Because I deserve to be loved, I always deserved that and I know that now. I don't want to chase you again Brian."</p><p>He steps back from Brian again, "Leave."</p><p>And Brian does, muttering something under his breath. Harry waits for him to leave and when the door slams, he lets himself slowly slide until he's sitting on the floor, because this is it. He said <em>no</em>, Brian William was here, right on his bed, needy, wanting him and Harry said no.</p><p>Harry refused because he's seen how Zayn's eyes shine when he looks at him and he decides, in that very moment, he decides that he deserves nothing less.</p><p>He also decides that he absolutely needs to see Zayn and his bright eyes. <em>Harry misses him.</em></p><p>∆∆∆</p><p>He walks into the cafe, the very next day, after thinking about running back to his apartment for about four times.</p><p>Zayn's not behind the counter.</p><p>Harry's about to turn right around when Liam calls his name. He meets Liam's curious eyes sheepishly and walks towards him.</p><p>"Hey mate."</p><p>"Hi Liam." Harry awkwardly shifts on his feet.</p><p>"Where did you disappear to?" Liam frowns.</p><p>"I was just..at my apartment." Liam looks at him like he expects a better reason so he continues, "I'm sorry. I just didn't feel well. It was a couple of bad days and I just.. I'm so sorry..." Harry shakes his head.</p><p>"Hey, it's okay Haz. I was just worried. Coffee?" Liam softly punches his shoulder with a warm smile on his face and Harry nods.</p><p>Liam gets behind the counter and Harry traces the menu, rereading it again, pretending to be occupied and slips it in as casually as he can, "Where's Zayn?"</p><p>He practically watches Liam's shoulders stiffening under his white shirt.</p><p>"Oh, he just left."</p><p>Harry deflates.</p><p>"Why?" Liam prompts.</p><p>There's no going back now.</p><p>"Hey Liam?" Harry waits for Liam to look at him and when Liam does, he lets it all out, "Could you ask Zayn to meet me at the art store, down the street tomorrow at around 7 in the evening?"</p><p>Liam stares at him, there's something clear in his eyes, his eyes aren't soft and warm, they're sharp like he knows, "Is there a particular reason <em>why</em>?"</p><p>Harry gulps, Liam's never looked so intimidating.</p><p>"I wanted to apologize. I think I owe him one for running off like that." Harry replies as sincerely as he can because he wants Liam to know how important this is, how important <em>Zayn</em> is and it works because Liam nods.</p><p>"Sure, will do."</p><p>Harry quickly reaches for the pen and notepad on the counter, scribbling his number on it, " This is my number, in case he.." a deep breath, "can't make it. Just let me know?"</p><p>Liam nods again and because he's Liam, he brings Harry his cup of coffee and ruffles his hair softly and maybe Harry isn't his <em>best friend</em>, but he knows it's Liam's way of telling him that it's okay, that even though he fucked up, it's okay.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. A Part Of Me I'd Never See</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry loves him, in this moment and he will, in every moment to come after this. He'll always love Zayn Malik, even if Zayn doesn't. Harry won't stop.</p><p>So he leans in and kisses Zayn because in this moment, Harry has a feeling, that maybe Zayn loves him too.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's too cold outside. Harry feels his teeth fighting to chatter because of it, but he doesn't move. Zayn could be here any moment.</p><p>He feels a gush of warmth inside at the thought of seeing Zayn again. He's nervous, really nervous, the anxiety buzzing underneath his skin like an uncomfortable itch but he wants this more than anything. He wants Zayn to see, that he's not running away anymore, he won't.</p><p>The nervousness gets the best of him and he starts messing with his curls, just for the sake of doing something with his fingers because they won't stop trembling.</p><p>He spent last night tossing and turning in his bed, thinking about Zayn, dreading Liam's text, telling him that Zayn refused, that Zayn doesn't want to see him again, but it never came. Instead Liam called this morning to wish him luck. He hasn't been able to stop fidgeting since then, too anxious to stop but the mere thrill of it, the excitement of finally seeing Zayn reflects on his face, because he hasn't been able to stop smiling either.</p><p>It's a good feeling over all, Zayn makes him feel vulnerable and determined, nervous and excited, but most of all, Zayn makes him <em>happy</em>.</p><p>He feels a soft tap on his shoulder and turns around, almost stumbling over the pavement, his heart stops before he can curse himself for being so clumsy, it's Zayn.</p><p>He's dressed in a black shirt, skinny black jeans and a long black coat and he's <em>different</em>. He's dyed his hair, the roots a dark brown contrast to the blonde tips. He looks so different, Harry almost feels lost with how unfamiliar he looks but then he smiles slowly, <em>teasing</em>, a small, timid smile and Harry places a hand on his heart, <em>literally</em>. Because even though he's different, he's not, he's still the same Zayn.</p><p>His eyes shine, this bright hazel in them that shines so hard, Harry wants to cry. He wants to cry right here, outside the art store, on the street for people to see how beautiful Zayn is in the moment. Harry wonders why the people on the street don't stop to look at Zayn, they <em>really</em> should.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>Zayn's smile widens, he nods.</p><p>"Um.." Harry feels his legs trembling with the effort of holding him up, his toes numb in his boots, "I'm sorry." He blurts.</p><p>Zayn tilts his head in confusion, brows furrowed.</p><p>Harry studies him carefully, he doesn't want to make any mistakes tonight.</p><p>"I'm sorry I left so abruptly and never came back."</p><p>There's a <em>weird</em> energy between them, a static, a charged feeling, Harry feels it, like Zayn's just as nervous, as excited.</p><p>Zayn bites at his lip gently and then slowly waves his hands.</p><p>Harry blinks, trying to understand.</p><p>Zayn does it again, slower this time.</p><p>Harry doesn't understand, he <em>can't</em>. The nervousness in his body comes crashing down on him all at once and he desperately looks into Zayn's eyes, ready to apologise.</p><p>But Zayn puts up a finger and pulls out his phone. His fingers slide over the phone screen effortlessly and Harry stares at them, trying to understand, until he feels his own phone vibrate.</p><p>Zayn looks up at him, smiling, his eyes glimmering.</p><p>Harry quickly fetches his phone out and unlocks it, there's a text notification, <em><span class="u">'hey curly, it's me, Zayn!'</span></em></p><p>Harry's heart settles in his chest, the pure relief of the moment pours over him and his eyes water because of it but he lets out a soft laugh and looks up at Zayn to find him smiling, like he's proud of himself for thinking of it, <em>he should be</em>.</p><p>Zayn types again and a few seconds later, Harry gets another text,</p><p>
  <em> '</em>
  <em>
    <span class="u">Are you okay?'</span>
  </em>
</p><p>He looks up and nods, even though he's on the verge of crying, he nods, "I wasn't but I am. I am, now."</p><p>'<em><span class="u">You don't have to apologise. It's okay</span></em>.'</p><p>Zayn's looking at him with a small smile on his face, but his eyes don't glint with mischief anymore, a heavy emotion swims in them instead, an emotion Harry knows <em>too</em> well because he's spent his life chasing it.</p><p>Harry shakes his head, "I have to. I need to. I shouldn't have run away like that Zayn. I'm sorry. I got scared. And that's what I do, I always run away. I'm sorry."</p><p>Harry waits for Zayn to respond, his hands clenching around his phone in anticipation. His phone vibrates.</p><p>'<em><span class="u">But you're back Mr. Styles</span></em><em>.' </em></p><p>Harry laughs, "Yes I am." Zayn grins at him.</p><p>'<span class="u"><em>Did I scare you?' </em></span></p><p>Zayn's messing with him, atleast it looks like it, because there's a playful smile on his face but it's also Zayn asking, it's him <em>really</em> asking, Harry sees it.</p><p>"You did." Harry nods, he watches Zayn's eyes widen, "You scared me so much because you made me see the parts of me I'd never seen, the good parts. You made me realise a lot of things Zayn."</p><p>Harry watches Zayn's eyes go soft at the corners, he blinks and his eyelashes cast a shadow on his cheek, he's beautiful.</p><p>'<em><span class="u">So you're not scared anymore?' </span></em></p><p>"I don't want to be."</p><p>Zayn nods and then he's grinning as he types. Harry gets excited because Zayn's almost blushing and he's never seen that before.</p><p>'<em><span class="u">You look beautiful tonight</span></em>.'</p><p>Harry's eyes go wide at the text, his dimples deepening on his cheeks against his will, so shakes his head and quickly ducks his face to hide his smile.</p><p>'<em><span class="u">Harry</span></em>?'</p><p>Harry looks up at him, still smiling and before he registers it, Zayn's stepping forward and kissing his cheek.</p><p>A gentle but firm brush of his soft lips against Harry's cheek.</p><p>He doesn't pull back immediately, lingers for a moment and Harry catches a whiff of him, <em>vanilla and cigarettes.</em> Harry shuts his eyes, inhaling the scent once more and tucking it somewhere in the back of his mind, tucking it carefully in his memory for days when he feels lonely, for days when he desperately <em>needs</em> Zayn by his side.</p><p>Zayn pulls back softly and Harry stares at him, bewildered, his mind whirling and his heart a mess, knocking pathetically against his chest, threatening to burst open. He brings his hand up to touch his tingling cheek and feels his lips breaking into a huge smile again.</p><p>Harry feels happy, giddy, like he could dance right now, like he could scream with happiness because Zayn Malik kissed him.</p><p>Zayn's looking at him with an amused expression, his eyes warm but challenging and Harry redeems himself, "Okay, um, so coffee and pastry?"</p><p>Zayn types again.</p><p>'<em><span class="u">Only if you pay for the pastry this time.' </span></em></p><p>And Harry laughs, this loud sound that escapes his throat and he immediately clamps his hand over his mouth, embarassed, his eyes wide.</p><p>Zayn's lips beautifully stretch into a huge curve and his eyes shut down with how hard he grins.</p><p>Harry loves him, in this moment and he will, in every moment to come after this. He'll always love Zayn Malik, even if Zayn doesn't. Harry won't stop.</p><p>So he leans in and kisses Zayn because <em>in this moment</em>, Harry has a feeling, that maybe Zayn loves him too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. You Took My Soul And Wiped It Clean</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Harry loves him. He hasn't said it yet, although he feels the words burning in his throat everytime Zayn smiles at him, he feels the words sitting heavy on his tongue everytime Zayn leaves a piece of his clothing at his apartment.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zayn's smile tastes like vanilla and rainbows, Harry knows now because they kiss <em>alot</em>.</p><p>Zayn fits perfectly against him and holds onto him while they kiss savouring the velvety corners of his mouth, softly grazes his fingers over Harry's cheek while he <em>curves</em> his tongue inside Harry's warm mouth sending shivers down his spine. He runs his fingers through Harry's mess of curls and latches his mouth at his neck, nipping at the skin, telling Harry <em>he belongs to him</em> with the gentle assault of his warm mouth until Harry's hard with it. It feels right.</p><p>Harry returns the same passion, pushing Zayn hard against any surface available , earning himself a delicious gasp and kissing him senseless, until Zayn's trembling with it, until he breathes heavily into Harry's ears, a signal that they need to head to the bedroom, that Zayn absolutely needs him. Harry soars with it, with the euphoria of being wanted like that, of being wanted, needed by <em>Zayn</em>, it's intoxicating.</p><p>He returns all the love he has in him, the love he feels, the overwhelming emotion that clogs his throat sometimes and makes his heart thump against his chest because Zayn looks at him, from under his lashes, so delicately, while he's being spread open by Harry's thick fingers and his wide tongue.</p><p>Or because Zayn parts his lips in pure pleasure, throwing his head further back into the mattress, baring the long line of his neck, inviting Harry, <em>letting him in </em>to see the broken parts of him no one else gets to see.</p><p>Harry almost cries at the sight, so he ducks down and hides his face into Zayn's neck, his hips thrusting into Zayn on their own accord, shaking them both with the force of it until he unravels inside him.</p><p>It feels <em>too</em> surreal sometimes, too overwhelming because Zayn's <em>everywhere</em>, he's in the scent that lingers on Harry's skin, he's in the bruises that Harry wears like a badge, he's in the smiles Harry can't seem to wipe off of his face. Harry loves this, he wants to drown himself, ruin himself until he's consumed by the need to be with Zayn but Zayn doesn't let him.</p><p>Zayn doesn't let him drown, he interlocks their hands together when Harry's eyes go glassy, tucks Harry close when he sees Harry floating away with his thoughts and kisses his nose when Harry won't stop frowning because Zayn has to go back to his apartment and as much as Harry loves to pout at him, Zayn makes him break into a smile, <em>easily</em>, it's not Harry's fault really.</p><p><em>Harry loves him</em>. He hasn't said it yet, although he feels the words burning in his throat everytime Zayn smiles at him, he feels the words sitting heavy on his tongue everytime Zayn leaves a piece of his clothing at his apartment.</p><p>Harry says it some times, when Zayn's sleeping, he's a heavy sleeper so Harry takes his chance and says it, lets himself free, unravels himself but the relief is shortlived because the next morning he wakes up to Zayn's breath on his neck, as Zayn softly nibbles at his ear and Harry's heart feels so full that the cavity in his chest feels small for it. But Harry doesn't say it, <em>he takes his time. </em></p><p>∆∆∆</p><p>Harry paces in his room, stepping on the sweaters and jeans discarded on the floor and tugging at his hair, incapable of deciding what to wear.</p><p>Zayn's invited him to his apartment to see the piece he's been working on. Harry's been there a few times now but he still feels the need to make effort today, to show Zayn he's excited for him, that this means alot to him as well. </p><p>Zayn lives above a club. Liam had noticed the deep, set frown on Harry's lips when he'd visited for the first time and later he had softly nudged at Harry's arm and told him that Zayn's family live in the outskirts of the city and are fairly wealthy but Zayn chooses to stay at his own place, likes to  have his space, especially when he's working on something. The club owner is Yaser's friend and makes sure Zayn's comfortable. It successfully took away the tinge of discomfort Harry felt.</p><p>His phone pings with a text from Liam,<br/>'<em><span class="u">be there in five.'</span></em> <br/>Harry almost screams.</p><p>He <em>finally</em>, decides on a pink jumper and his white flared pants. He runs his wet hands through his curls and tries to tame them as well as he can before Liam arrives. In the midst of the chaos he's created, Harry stops to look at himself in the mirror, his eyes look bright, his cheeks flushed and his dimples have almost found a permanent place on his cheeks, the indent growing deeper, the more he thinks about Zayn.</p><p>Liam's call startles him out of his thoughts and runs out of his apartment, practically jumping twice on his way because he's way too excited to finally see Zayn's work.</p><p>~</p><p>They walk up the flight of stairs, behind the club and are met with a door. Liam pulls out his phone, to probably text Zayn, Harry assumes because seconds later they hear the door being unlocked.</p><p>Zayn stands before them in a pair of faded blue jeans, ripped at his knees and a plain white t-shirt, hanging low on his neck. His hair's a mess, with a strand dangling on his forehead and <em>God</em>, Harry never gets used to it, the way his hair falls onto his forehead.</p><p>Zayn smiles at Liam, stepping back a foot to invite them in.</p><p>His eyes widen a bit when they land on Harry, <em>punishingly</em> sweeping up and down his frame and then he bites at his bottom lip, a sign that he <em>wants</em> Harry, pretty much right now and Harry absolutely shares the commotion because he hasn't kissed Zayn for a week now. <br/><br/>Zayn wanted to give finishing touches to his piece and Harry knew that he'd need his space and as much as he wanted to barge into Zayn's apartment and kiss him, he didn't.  Zayn would text him though, a few times throughout the day to let him know that he missed Harry just as much.</p><p>So Harry steps into the apartment and cups Zayn's face in his hands, Zayn's eyes dropping shut at the action, and kisses him. Zayn holds onto him tightly and kisses him back, smiling into the kiss, Harry <em>really</em> doesn't know how Zayn manages to do that, smile into their kiss, but Harry loves it. He loves to taste this smile, loves to feel the curve of Zayn's lips against his, loves to feel the ridges of his bottom lip and bite on the plumpness of them.</p><p>Liam clears his throat and they pull back, reminded of the reason they're here. Harry steps back from Zayn and sends Liam a full grin, Liam sighs loudly and mutters something about them acting like two horny teenagers all the time. Harry laughs and Zayn kisses his cheek.</p><p>~</p><p>Zayn leads them to a room in the corner, passing a small bedroom, a congested living room and kitchen. There's another room in the corner, that's where Zayn paints. Zayn had told him as much, although he's never been in there.</p><p>Harry doesn't miss the paintings stacked behind the couch. They're beautiful. He stops to look at them, always does, everytime he visits because it's difficult not to but then Zayn motions for him to follow so he quickly walks behind them.</p><p>Harry enters into the room behind Zayn, Liam already standing near the covered canvases, inspecting them. The room's fairly huge for the apartment. It has the sun filtering in through the thin set of white curtains decorating the windows. There's a mattress, Harry observes, in a corner and a few mugs lying near it.</p><p>"Harry?"</p><p>"Hmm." He shifts his gaze towards Liam and Zayn, standing near the canvases.</p><p>Liam motions towards the canvas and Harry steps closer to them. He doesn't miss the slight tremor in Zayn's hands while he takes the sheet off of the canvas.</p><p>Harry's <em>stunned</em>.</p><p>Zayn quickly waves his hands around, looking at Liam and Liam explains, "He's saying that the students were asked to paint their favourite thing." Zayn nods and motions again, Liam continues, "favourite places, favourite food-"</p><p>Harry watches Zayn wave his hand around and quickly pipes in, "Favourite person?"</p><p>Zayn nods at him, enthusiastic, a huge smile on his lips.</p><p>Harry feels proud of himself for getting it right.</p><p>He sweeps his eyes over the canvas again, at the delicate shades of blue, grey, purple and black, meeting each other yet still somehow not overlapping, merely touching like the gentle skimming of cold fingers against warm skin. The whites on the edges sharp against them, like sun on a bright morning. It's beautiful. <br/>Zayn's painted his favourite place - the space.</p><p>Harry looks back at Zayn and he's looking at him already, eyes wide, nose scrunched slightly and lips bitten red, waiting for a response, like a kid painting for the first time.</p><p>So Harry smiles, his biggest smile, "I love this babe. This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."</p><p>Harry watches Zayn loosen, immediately, a shy smile teasing his lips.</p><p>"Zed, this is amazing! This is so good." Liam strides towards him and engulfs him in a hug, patting his back and whispering something. Zayn just nods back, hiding his face into his neck.</p><p>Harry averts his eyes, the moment feels heavy, he feels nervous, <em>weirdly</em> nervous.</p><p>Liam pulls back and nods at Zayn, patting his cheek lightly and then the next moment, he's walking towards the door, announcing,</p><p>"I'll be outside."</p><p>Harry wants to ask why he left, or if he's supposed to leave as well, he's nervous, his anxiety kicks in but then Zayn walks closer to him and gently pulls at his wrist, until they're standing before another canvas.</p><p>He takes the sheet off without a warning and there it is,</p><p>Harry's face on the huge canvas, staring back at him with a huge smile, his dimples deeper than usual and his eyes crinkled, the green of his eyes gleaming, Harry's immediately reminded of his own reflection he saw in the mirror, back at his own apartment today.</p><p>He's stuck for a moment, he feels a ripple of emotions stirring inside him, rattling him to react, to say something, to move but he's stuck except for the tremor that runs through his legs. He stares at the canvas until his eyes burn with it, until he can't anymore because he saw it, Zayn saw it in his eyes, before Harry could. Right there on the canvas, is <em>Zayn's Harry</em> and Zayn saw him, really saw through him.</p><p>He turns to look at Zayn with tears brimming his eyes, Zayn's figure is a blur before him so he wipes at his eyes. Zayn's looking at him with a worried expression, eyes almost watery, mirroring Harry's own and chin wobbling, like he's pleading Harry to understand.</p><p>He waves his hand, slowly infront of Harry, in a measured move and Harry <em>cries</em>.</p><p>He lets the sob escape his throat, let's himself cry, strips his heart bare infront of Zayn, finally, <em>finally</em> unravels his emotions because he doesn't have to wait anymore.</p><p>So he asks, his voice wet with emotion-</p><p>"Favourite person?"</p><p>Zayn nods, eyes wet and lips curved.<br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Our Love Was Made For Movie Screens</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p><b>Two Years Later</b>.</p><p>"<em>Zayn</em>!" Harry almost shrieks, closing the apartment door behind him, staring at the mess on the living room floor.</p><p>Zayn doesn't look at him, deliberately busies himself and smiles rather <em>dopily</em>, hiding his face.</p><p>Harry's about to scold him again when he feels tiny hands tugging at his pants. Harry knows what's coming, so he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, resolving to not give in, <em>not this time</em>.</p><p>He glances down to find a pair of wide eyes staring back at him,<br/>"Dadda it's not Baba's fault."</p><p>Harry squints, "I <em>really</em> think it is."</p><p>Aayan immediately shakes his head to prove his point, a few curls stray away and get into his wide eyes.</p><p>It startles Harry sometimes, how Aayan looks so much like them, how he finds bits and pieces of Zayn and his ticks in Aayan, how Aayan observes them so closely and follows their habits religiously. <br/>He has to briefly remind himself again, to <em>not</em> melt at the sight.</p><p>Harry bites at his lower lip and sits on his toes to get on level with Aayan, gently sweeping his hair back,<br/>"No Aayan, don't try to take Baba's side okay. I know it was his idea."  Harry shoots a playful glare at Zayn, who sheepishly blushes in return.</p><p>But Aayan is quick to reach out and hold Harry's face in his tiny hands, patting at his cheeks gently, "It's <em>not</em>! I promise." Aayan sends him a smile, a shy one, trying to make up for the mess. </p><p>Harry presses his lips into a tight line, already tempted to smile at his baby, but he holds himself back and pretends to contemplate the situation.</p><p>Aayan senses the delay and pats his cheek once more, "Dadda don't be mad, <em>please</em>. We're sorry.", he carefully eyes Harry, gauging his reaction.</p><p>It's always an amusing sight, every single time, to watch Aayan deal with situations like these, to watch how sensible he is, how brilliant he already is at understanding emotions and feelings.</p><p>Harry believes a major part of it comes from Zayn. Aayan absolutely <em>adores</em> Zayn and Harry's positive that it's his affection towards Zayn that makes him so understanding.</p><p>~</p><p>Harry had known, the first time they saw Aayan, he <em>knew</em> Aayan would be a wonderful kid.</p><p>He had known Aayan would grow up to be a beautiful human and so had Zayn, because Harry had seen him grinning, really wide, at the sight of a three year old Aayan, through the glass wall of the nursery.</p><p>Later that night, Zayn had cried a little, at the final decision of adopting Aayan and it wasn't long until Harry had joined in, not being able to keep himself together because it was perfect, <em>they were perfect</em>.</p><p>He had (embarrassingly) cried <em>alot</em>, face hidden into Zayn's neck, telling him how happy he was, how he had wanted this for so long and expected Zayn to freak out at his sudden emotional turbulence but Zayn had dipped down and kissed him, so gentle and <em>so soft</em> that Harry almost lost his breath.</p><p>They had kissed and kissed, nothing rushed and erratic about it, rather slow and settling, every brush of Zayn's lips against his pouring relief into his chest until he could finally breathe. They had kissed until their lips were raw and red,<br/><em>an amazing shade of love, </em>Harry had thought while tracing Zayn's bottom lip with his thumb.</p><p>~</p><p>Harry pretends to think about it and Aayan quickly rises on his toes to kiss his nose, "Dadda please?"</p><p>And Harry gives in, he can't <em>not</em>, he smiles and melts, shaking his head at himself for thinking he could hold himself back,"Okay, I'm not mad at Baba." He sneaks a look at Zayn, who's staring back at him, eyes bright and lips curved, mischievously.</p><p>Aayan kisses his nose again quickly and runs back to Zayn, holding his chin in his tiny hands and whispering it like a secret between them, his eyes shining with excitement, "Baba, dadda's not mad at you."</p><p>Zayn smiles, this huge smile that crinkles his eyes into a beautiful curve and scrunches his nose a little, this fond smile he keeps reserved <em>only</em> for Aayan. Zayn waves his hands around, ' <em>You're a superhero'</em> and Aayan giggles, "Baba is a superhero too!"</p><p>Harry pouts, "What about me?"</p><p>Aayan looks at him, thinking with his finger pressed to his chin, " 'kay what colour is Batman?"</p><p>Harry widens his eyes at the question and plays along "Hmm...I think he's red in colour."</p><p>Aayan laughs, leaning back into Zayn and waving his hand around at Zayn,<br/>'<em>Dadda's silly'</em> and Zayn nods, grinning wide at him.</p><p>Harry pretends to huff and not understand what they're talking about because he knows Aayan loves it, loves thinking that he shares a <em>secret language</em> with Zayn.</p><p>Harry had very cleverly helped him learn a few hand movements and what they meant. He'd loudly announce what Zayn meant by a specific movement of his hand and then quickly turn the interpretation into a question, as if asking Zayn if that's what he meant by the movement, to which Zayn would nod and Aayan would observe them, mimicking a few hand movements himself.</p><p>Harry felt the need to help him learn because he saw the keen interest and amazed expression with which Aayan would stare at Zayn, everytime he waved his hands around. Aayan was always too curious to learn what Zayn had to say.</p><p>But it is at times like these or when they're watching a movie and Harry cries, while Zayn and and Aayan wave around their hands making fun of him, (Harry knows they make fun of him because Aayan giggles the whole time) that he almost regrets teaching sign language to Aayan.</p><p>Aayan notices him pouting again and sighs, like a tired old man,<br/>"No silly, he wears black. <em>See</em>!" He runs to pick up a sheet of paper from the mess of crayons, paints and brushes on the floor and brings the sheet to Harry, who raises his eyebrows at Zayn to convey his surprise at the <em>sass</em> in Aayan's voice already. Zayn's pretty surprised too, if his parted lips are a sign.</p><p>Harry breaks into a smile nevertheless,<br/>"You did a great job babe. This is amazing." Aayan blushes, another tick he's taken from Zayn, and turns to look at Zayn who nods at him too.</p><p>Harry's reminded of how scared Aayan was at first, how he would shy away from both of them but especially him and the first time he did open up, it was with Zayn and <em>not</em> him.</p><p>~</p><p>They'd just had dinner and Harry was busy with the dishes while Zayn had walked to the TV and put on a superhero movie. Harry wanted to say something because it <em>really</em> wasn't the time for a movie but he saw Zayn motioning towards Aayan secretly, who had got off his chair and was standing near the couch.</p><p>Harry watched mesmerised as Aayan spent the first few minutes of the movie, standing near the couch, his hands holding onto the couch and a few gasps escaping his mouth at the scenes and loud sounds. Zayn had been pretending to be too engrossed into the movie while Harry had been trying not to get caught, when Aayan walked towards Zayn and held his arms up. Zayn picked him up gently and settled him into his lap. Aayan, immediately, had grabbed at Zayn's t-shirt and leaned back into him.</p><p>Zayn had turned to look at him then, with <em>teary</em> wide eyes and Harry had cried too, right there, behind the kitchen counter.</p><p>And as much as Harry was happy for Zayn and the fact that Aayan had finally opened up a little, he was still very upset that Aayan wouldn't open up to him. It stung a little to see Aayan tucking himself close to Zayn while they watched a movie. Zayn tried to make it better, he'd hold Harry hand throughout and then kiss him senseless when they'd be in their bed but Harry still ended up drowning in self pity some nights and crying.</p><p>But it wasn't long enough before it happened to him <em>too</em>.</p><p>One night particularly, Harry felt too low, his heart rate almost dropping with each breath and  he couldn't sleep. So he carefully tip toed outside the room when he'd seen Aayan standing near their bedroom door. His hair a mess over his forehead and his eyes pleading.</p><p>"I'm scared." He had whispered to Harry when Harry ruffled his hair gently, kissed his forehead and whispered a soft,<br/>"It's okay bud. Dad's here."</p><p>Harry had immediately scooped him up and settled him right between him and Zayn, in the bed.</p><p>He'd laid down beside Aayan, trying his best to breathe quietly, to not startle him anymore when Aayan had slowly shuffled closer to him, clutching at his t-shirt and burying his face into his chest.</p><p>Harry had nearly cried, he'd tried to blink rapidly to stop the tears but ended up looking at Zayn, who was smiling at them and well he did cry anyways, because Zayn leaned forward and kissed their foreheads softly.</p><p>~</p><p>Presently, Harry huffs at the mess on the floor, "I guess Baba and I will have to clean this up then."</p><p>Aayan shakes his head, "Me too Dadda."</p><p>And no matter how much Harry resists, Aayan <em>does</em> help, picking up the discarded sheets from the floor, one at a time, and rushing off to the kitchen to throw them in the dustbin. He starts to pick up the crayons next, while Zayn's busy cleaning the brushes and Harry starts scrubbing the floor.</p><p>He attempts to pick them all up but they end up slipping right out of the grasp of his tiny hands. Harry notices and gently points out, "One at a time babe. Careful."</p><p>Aayan nods, immediately opening his hands and dropping them all on the floor and bends down again to pick them up, one by one this time.</p><p>Harry laughs, really loud, because Aayan's adorable, but then ends up almost slipping on the wet floor himself, letting out a yelp.</p><p>It's Aayan's turn to laugh, "Harry's <em>old</em>."</p><p>Harry gasps, "<em>What</em> did you say young man?"</p><p>Aayan watches with wide eyes as Harry slowly walks towards him and makes a quick sprint towards Zayn, yelling at him to save him. Zayn <em>does</em>, immediately scoops him up and turns around, pretending to hide him from Harry.</p><p>Aayan clasps a hand on his mouth, to suppress the giggles that won't stop while Harry sneakily reaches out from behind Zayn to tickle him until he gives up and ends up apologising, head thrown back in a blissful laugh.</p><p>Harry stops for a second and stares at Aayan, his face tucked into Zayn's chest and his tiny fingers tugging at Harry's hand, pulling him and Zayn, both together.</p><p>Harry <em>stares</em> and forgets to breathe, the revelation dawning on him, like the first time he saw Zayn at the cafe, like the time Zayn kissed his cheek outside the artstore, like the day Zayn showed him his paintings, because in this moment Harry realises,</p><p>
  <em>He loves them and they love him back. </em>
</p><p>∆∆∆</p><p>It's not always perfect <em>ofcourse</em>, they're not always perfect.</p><p>It gets <em>too</em> overwhelming sometimes, too much of it penting up between them, mostly inside Harry because he finds his fingers shaking with anxiety somedays when he can't seem to believe that Zayn loves him back, that he has Aayan, that he doesn't have anything to chase after now.</p><p>You see, it's difficult because Harry's only chased behind people for as long as he can remember, so the newfound stability does get to him sometimes.</p><p>He will, for example, see Zayn and Aayan cooking breakfast in the kitchen, well <em>mostly</em> Zayn cooking and Aayan responsible for drawing smileys on their pancakes, and it hits him, right in his guts, what he's found. And how <em>terrifying</em> it would be to lose this, to go back, because there's no going back for him now. Because he can't imagine not waking up to Zayn's gentle kisses and Aayan's cold fingers tickling his toes.</p><p>Zayn sees it, like he sees everything right through him and <em>saves him,</em> like the superhero Aayan claims him to be.</p><p>It does get bad one day, Zayn comes back after dropping Aayan to Liam's house for a boys' day when he finds Harry pacing around the house, scrubbing at every wall and surface he can find, tugging at his hair at not being able to clean it enough.</p><p>Zayn carefully and very gently pulls at his hand and makes him sit on the couch, seating himself on Harry's lap and cups his face.</p><p>He stares right into Harry's eyes and  sweeps his thumb slowly over Harry's cheekbones, bending down to kiss his nose, then his forehead, his cheek, the other one and finally, <em>finally</em> his lips.</p><p>He pulls back, shortly after to look at Harry, to smile at him and then leans forward again to kiss him, with an intent this time.</p><p>He bites at Harry's bottom lip and immediately sucks it into his mouth, when Harry groans, running his tongue along the roof of Harry's mouth until he starts shaking with it.</p><p>He lingers for a few seconds, not immediately pulling back, breathing against Harry's lips, grinning at how Harry's lips curve into a small smile against his.</p><p>And when he finally pulls back, he carefully waves his hands around,<br/>'<em>I'm not going anywhere H. I'm here okay? Today, tomorrow, always.'</em></p><p>He waits patiently for Harry to nod in understanding, before continuing,<br/><em>'I love you H. I can't believe you're mine. I love you. So so much that it hurts sometimes.'</em> he hits his chest with his fist a few times to emphasize <em>where</em> it hurts.</p><p>And Harry breaks down, his chin wobbling and face tucked into Zayn's neck, he breaks down and cries for hours, letting it all out, telling Zayn how scared he is, how the thought of losing him or Aayan drives him crazy.</p><p>And Zayn, very gracefully takes it all in, carefully listening and nodding, patiently waiting for Harry to let it out and holds him close, for another hour, until Harry stops sobbing. He rubs his hands up and down Harry's waist and then something happens ;</p><p>Harry softly whimpers into his ears, his voice dripping with <em>need</em>, Zayn tries to stop him, to ask him if he's sure but Harry starts grinding against him in a slow, filthy rhythm, whispering into his ears, asking him to touch him, to make him feel <em>everything</em>.</p><p>Zayn ends up carrying him to their bedroom, with his mouth warm against Harry's neck and his hips thrusting aimlessly against Harry's groin.</p><p>He spreads Harry open, on their bed, with his thick tongue flat against his puckered hole, tasting Harry, slurping around the tight rim of muscles until it clenches against his tongue and Harry lets out a loud cry.</p><p>Zayn fucks him then, holding his legs up for him, while Harry lies there, taking him <em>in in in.</em></p><p>Zayn loses all sense of control at the sight of Harry shaking with every thrust and ends up throwing his entire weight on Harry, folding him in half and fucking into him,<br/><em>harder faster deeper</em><br/>until all Harry chants is his name and the words ' <em>I love you</em>'</p><p>Laying in his bed, with Zayn's arms secure around him, Harry draws in a deep breath and realises that he <em>finally</em> has his closure with chasing love. He's learnt that he can stop, that all the chasing can come to a halt finally, that he can just be in love and be loved in return now because that's how love works.</p><p>∆∆∆</p><p>Harry Styles doesn't chase love <em>anymore</em>.</p><p>Because love is right <em>here</em>, breathing slowly between him and Zayn, in their bed, with their toes touching.</p><p>Because love is right <em>here</em>, blazing bright in Aayan's wide eyes when he smiles at them.</p><p>Because love is right <em>here</em>, raging like a storm in their eyes every night, when Zayn looks at him like he's the sun and Harry can't look away either.</p><p>Because love is right <em>here</em>, buzzing under his skin everytime Aayan holds their hands while they walk on the streets.</p><p>Harry knows he won't run anymore because even though Zayn promises to love him everyday, fucks those words right into him on days Harry asks him to and traces the words Harry wants<br/><em>('i love you')</em> on the inside of his wrist, right above the bundle of nerves that send shivers down his spine with each flick of Zayn's finger,</p><p>even though Zayn <em>does it all</em>, Harry doesn't feel the urgent need to hear it everyday now, doesn't need the reassurance every second of the day, because he's finally come to a <em>halt</em>.</p><p>So now when Zayn Malik tells Harry Styles he loves him, without saying it, Harry hears it, <em>loud and clear</em>, no questions asked and this is how their story.....<em>begins</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>___________________________</p><p>
  <strong>A/n : <a href="https://instagram.com/zaynsquishybabie?igshid=q8s9e8zt5swl">https://instagram.com/zaynsquishybabie?igshid=q8s9e8zt5swl</a></strong>
</p><p>(This is my Instagram, incase you guys want to reach out.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Writing this story has been a beautiful journey for me as well. I don't know if you guys could tell, but I've lived this story through Zayn , Harry and little Aayan. A huge Thankyou to  everyone who read and appreciated. I love you guys. </p><p>Take care, stay safe  and if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. Thankyou again!❤️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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